Nit-Picking: Spider-Man 3

*SPOILERS*

The Amazing Spider-Man will be hitting theaters on July 3^rd, rebooting the series, so, I thought it was only right to go back and nit-pick the worst film of the original Spider-Man trilogy – Spider-Man 3.

I liked the Spider-Man movies, mostly Spider-Man 2. Yes, Spider-Man is a little dated now and doesn’t really hold up as well as Spider-Man 2, but it’s still a fun movie. Yet, Spider-Man 3 was a huge disappointment. I mean what happened?

After the fantastic Spider-Man 2 I was, like many, pumped to see where the third one will take us. They seemed to understand how to direct and write these movies and I had a lot of faith that they could give us something just as or even more memorable than Spider-Man 2. I was wrong.

Spider-Man 3 was just all over the place and because of this there were a lot of things that just didn’t make any sense.

Let’s begin with Flint Marko/The Sandman and his run in with the particle accelerator.

In the beginning of the film Flint Mark is running away from the cops and ends up falling into this particle accelerator filled with sand, which is being used in an experiment at the time.

The Scientists running this experiment notice that there is a weight change and they pass it off as it being a bird. Really? How about you go out there and check if it’s a bird. Are they really this lazy? Are you telling me that they don’t have security cameras out there just incase someone jumps a puny fence and finds their way into their testing ground? What the hell?

So, Marko is in the accelerator and, of course, they start the experiment. Marko ends up turning into sand. Yes, his body and clothes all turn into sand, but this locket he carries around with him that is perfectly fine. *sigh*. You’re telling me that his bones and organs are affected by the accelerator but a small locket it not? In what universe does that make sense?

Moving on, let’s focus in on Harry Osborne/The New Goblin. Harry has the pumpkin bombs that his father, Norman Osborn/The Green Goblin, had and he uses them to fight, obviously. That’s all good and dandy until the screenwriter realizes he wrote himself in a corner and starts to make these bombs do a host of different things.

In the beginning we see Harry attack Peter and he throws these pumpkin looking things at him. They only appear to be some sort of knife; then at the end these same things are thrown and they blow up to kill Venom. I could be wrong, these things could be two different pumpkin bombs that Harry has, but why do they look all the same? If they are different why not make them look different? If I was The New Goblin I would not know which pumpkin thing cuts or which one blows up.

And why when one of these pumpkin bombs blows up near Harry it only scars him? Then, when it blows up the same way near Venom it obliterates him? Is there a way to up the damage with these things? I don’t know … it’s probably just sloppy writing again.

Now, after Harry ruins his friendship with Peter and scars his face, his butler just decides to tell him a secret. At the end of the movie the butler tells Harry that his father was killed by his own glider. This is another case of the writer not knowing how in the hell to make Harry good again so they throw that in, which makes no sense.

You’re expecting me to believe that his butler watched him risk his life in trying to kill his friend and said nothing? What kind of person is this? Is he in Harry’s will and knows if he dies he would get something? It just doesn’t make any sense that the butler would wait this long to tell him. It just boils down to sloppy writing again.

Now let’s move onto Venom. What happened with Venom? Why is Venom saying “I”? In the comic books Venom always says “We”, because it’s both him and Eddie Brock in there. The symbiote is a being that feels just as betrayed as Brock does when it comes to Peter Parker and they both want to get revenge, which makes sense when they would say “We”. Yet, in Spider-Man 3 they never say “We” and Brock just says “I”. This annoyed me, a lot.

Next, why does Eddie Brock want Peter Parker dead so bad? I mean he was humiliated because he provided a false picture himself, he did it to himself. Maybe, he was pissed that Parker was interested in Gwen Stacey and he liked Stacey? But we never see them establish some sort of romance, they’re only briefly on screen together. In the comics Venom is a better villain because he has more of a reason to hate Peter Parker in this movie he’s really there to be there.

Another thing that annoyed me about Venom is how they bring the symbiote into the story. It just so happens that a meteorite just falls into Central Park right next to Peter Parker and Mary Jane. The symbiote then crawls from the rock and attaches itself to Peter’s scooter. Well, how wonderful is that? An alien being lands on the planet right next to the guy who has superpowers already? Couldn’t we be more creative about this?

Those are the big problems that Spider-Man 3 has. Some of them might seem small, but anything that starts to make you think “what” well that’s not a good sign. Of course these aren’t the only problems the film has. You might ask “what else is there?” Well let’s list them.

-         The symbiote making Peter Parker act like a complete idiot, fool, and ass.

-         Killing Venom

-         Giving the Sandman more screen time than Venom.

-         Not really completing Sandman’s story.

-         A script that has way too much going on.

-         Three villains.

-         Mary Jane.

-         Casting Topher Grace as Venom.

-         Gwen Stacey. Why was she in this movie? She should have been the girl Venom kidnaps in the end. It would have given her more of a reason to be around.

-         The guy shooting spit balls at Peter in the classroom. What? His spider sense didn’t sense that? Come to think of it, he had no spider sense when Harry attacked him either. Maybe it’s because he has become so smug. Oh no, I’m making excuses for them.

-         The movie going over the top with its “silly” moments.

-         Harry’s creepy faces.

-         Peter’s hair.

-         All the scenes containing Peter dancing.

-         The scenes where anyone else dances.

-         Dancing.

-         The scene where we hear the audience clapping but when we see the audience they aren’t clapping.

-         Sandman punching a police dog. What an ass.

CHECK OUT NIT-PICKING: THE DARK KNIGHT RISES at http://jamesentertainmentedge.blogspot.com/2013/03/nit-picking-dark-knight-rises.html