Evil Has No Destiny

Since I wouldn’t pay for a ticket to the new Halloween movie, I decided that I would go back and review the 2007 remake. A movie I wanted to like (being a Halloween fan) but found it to be a very, bad movie.
In this film Rob Zombie brings us back to the way beginning and tells us the reasons Michael kills. This is the first misstep, because what made Michael scary in the original movie was the idea that this killer had no motive.
Now, Zombie gives him a motive and the reason he is driven to kill is because he comes from a broken home and he’s being picked on by bullies at school. Come on Mr. Zombie, I appreciate you trying to do something different with Michael, but bullies? Michael Myers became a killer because of bullies? What kind of crap is that?
SO, these bullies push and push Michael until he goes and kills the main bully. After this he brings his murderous rage home and when his mother is at work (oh, yeah his mother is a stripper) he kills his sister, his sister’s boyfriend and his mother’s boyfriend. He spares his baby sister, Laurie, and sits with her on the sidewalk and waits for his mother to get home.
Michael is then sent to Smith's Grove - Warren County Sanitarium and is put under the care of Dr. Sam Loomis, a child-psychiatrist. This is the films only good thing, the performance Malcolm McDowell gives is great and it’s a shame he didn’t have a better script to work with.
Eventually Michael escapes the Sanitarium and finds his way back to Haddonfield, Illinois, to find his sister, Laurie, who was adopted by another family, after Michael’s mother killed herself. This is where the movie becomes a remake of the original, but never reaches the heights the original did.
The biggest thing that brings this movie down is the characters and dialogue. The movie does show signs of trying to be a character driven film, but that becomes a problem if you don’t know how to write characters.
It seems that Zombie has a problem writing dialogue, because everything that comes out of characters mouths is about sex. Now, since the dialogue is bad these characters never were able to take off and evolve as the movie went on. They are stuck being two dimensional and when the movie begins to pour on one horror cliché after another, the characters become boring and dull.
This includes Michael. Michael does what Michael does best and kills everyone who gets in his way, but it’s not scary, it’s tiresome. Since all the characters are boring and never feel like real people, we never really care when they are killed off. Also, Michael does do a lot of pointless kills, which just make you say “Why?”
In the end this movie is just not good. It has a lot of stupid moments, like the title screen (those who’ve seen it, know what I’m talking about), the back story gave the film something different, but ultimately ruined my whole image of Michael Myers, the script was bad, the characters were dull and the dialogue was terrible. The only thing this film did effectively was make me appreciate the original so much more.
Is this the worst movie ever made? No, I’ve seen worse, but this one definitely missed the mark. If some things were moved around and the script had another writer this could have been a decent film, it would have never lived up to the first one but it could have been a good Michael Myers movie.

D-